i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
