My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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