Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can't special order awesome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is my gift to your gina
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
