Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
