Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
