Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
