The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
