Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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