i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
