Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
