Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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