We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
