Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
