You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
