Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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