his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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