i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
