never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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