Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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