i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
