I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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