Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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