I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
