And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
