Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
