There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
