So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
