we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
