I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
