we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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