my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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