Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
