i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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