just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
