its not stalking. its research.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
