My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk is not a location!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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