so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
