I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize