Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
