i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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