I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
