the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
