I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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