If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
