i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
