Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
