I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
