We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
