finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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