My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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