I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
