You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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