My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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