'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
