yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
