i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
