I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
