Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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