I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
