just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
