Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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