There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
