Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
