mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
