the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize