your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
