its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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