just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
