Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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