A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
