Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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