I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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