when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ugly people sure do ruin things
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
