A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
