her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize