Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
