I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
